not living

Equivalent to dying, but in just a better way, not living means you are relieved of everything, you have never had to live in the first place, if you are doing this right now, please teach me because I want to not live or ever live, please help me, my life is ruined... It can also mean something very special, it can mean that you have no soul and that you aren't limited by physical bounds, it can make you stronger as a person, as a useful member of society, a creative mind, joyful, happy, but it can also mean you are in despair, it means that you can't take it anymore, that you want to end, but you can't because you are not living in the first place. Or it can just mean you're dying inside. You emo.